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Wednesday, February 14, 2018

GOOD VIBES ONLY





















Today is February 14th and its my mf'ing birthday!!! I officially will be 41 at 3:51 pm. I started celebrating February 1st and will continue to celebrate until I feel like its time to stop. 


I love birthdays! Not just my own but birthdays period. I have bullied my loved ones into celebrating their birthdays. Why wouldn't you celebrate your day? That date and time was chosen for you to have life..it needs to be celebrated. You made it another year!!! Yaaaaaay! 








I celebrate for me and those that can not celebrate anymore. I celebrate for my mama, my grandmothers, grandfathers and my friends that I have lost over the years. Life is precious, fragile, and ever changing so I will make the best of every year I am allowed to be here. 












This year I had a theme but that was not my plan. The theme found me lol. I hate shopping. I like browsing Dirt Cheap and the Thrift Store for a good find but I hate the mall and department stores. I wondered around for about an hour looking for a shirt. I had a look in mind but could not find THE shirt. I ended in Midtown in Az Well and this was my last resort. I had no luck and was walking out of the store when a red shirt caught my eye. The shirt was in between some shorts that looked like panties and it was the only one. The shirt was just there and read GOOD VIBES and it was my size....ayyyyyyye! Sooo that's my new life theme...GOOD VIBES ONLY and I am going to ride on out with that in my 41st year of life. If you mean me no good...gwone on. Ion need an explanation just gwone on. If you are not trying to bring good energy my way...gwone on. 





















I am going into this new year of life shining with enthusiasm and great ideas. I will no longer allow anyone to dim my light with their opinions or negative energy...GOOD VIBES ONLY. That phrase is invisibly emblazoned on my forehead from here on out and I need everyone that comes my way to pretend that they see it...
















I shall continue my celebration and I thank everyone that helped this birthday be lit AF. 








Saturday, January 27, 2018

FEBRU-WARY

I am hoping that putting this into words alieves some of the pain in my heart. There will be things in here that I have not said aloud to anyone so I apoligize in advance to those that love me but I really did not want to talk about it but I will type about it.



February is the best shittiest month for me. February is the month my mom, daughter, and I were born. If my grandson comes on time then we can add him to the list. 



February is also the month that my mom died.



2016's February made me want to throw the whole month away. February betrayed me and  took her away from me. Losing my mother has changed me in ways that I probably will never be able to describe. I am her only child and the majority of the the time it was just me and her. My mama was there. My mama showed up for me. My mama provided for me and I did not go without anything. She made sure I had what I needed and the majority of what I wanted. She never did get me those Hitek boots though...






Point is my mama was there. My dad was playing peek a boo in my life but mama was consistent. As I grew older we had our mother daughter issues but I would run when she called. I would fuss and yet still take her what she wanted. We butted heads because she ALWAYS knew better than me and I ALWAYS knew better for me. I am hardheaded but I got it from her. No one told my mama what to do. NO ONE! Well outside of my grandmother.




February 2nd, 2016 I took my mama to lunch for her 61st birthday. I noticed she was not looking well and eating slow. I asked her several times was she ok and she responded every time, "I'm alright baby girl." Well the last time I asked, she told me, "Dont ask me that no damn mo." Scuse me then Sharon.



February 5th, I got a phone call that night from my Aunt Jean telling me that my cousin Marcus was concerned about my Mama. She called Marcus to bring her soup because she wasn't feeling well and she threatened his life and told him he bet not call me. So his scary ass called his Mama for her to tell me that my Mama was sick. He was not trying to get shanked... I called her and she went off and assured me that she only had a stomach virus.





February 6th I picked up my Aunt Trudy and we went to my mama's as a force to be reckoned with to get her to go to the hospital. Well our super powers failed. We sat there for 2 hours and pretty much got cussed out for even suggesting she go to the hospital. I was told if I called the ambulance it would be a waste of time because she would refuse to go..*sigh* I left there frustrated, scared, and wanting to fight her. I called her that evening and she promised me that if she didn't feel better the next day that she would go.


February 7th, I called her first thing that morning and she said she was ok. I told her that I had a few things to take care of and I would head that way and if she still did not look right that we were going to DCH. Surprisingly she agreed and I hung up. 2 minutes later I received a phone call from Trudy saying my mama called Jean crying saying she was ready to go to the hospital. 
The doctor saw her and immediately told us that she was going to be admitted before test were ran. We had to wait in that room over 5 hours waiting on a diagnosis. During the meantime, my friend Wanda was out there because her son had an accident and he was a couple rooms over from mama and I thank God she was out there. As my friend Shon says, I am a raw egg...hard on the outside and soft on the inside. I internalize my pain and push people away when I am going through something. I learned from the best. When the diagnosis was revealed I wasn't in the room because I had stepped out for a break and Trudy came out to give me the news and took me outside. When I was told, I felt like someone had taken the air out of my body. Wanda and Trudy were there to keep me off of the ground. After I calm down, I go back to see her and the first thing she says is, " Don't come in  here with all that crying." And guess what? I went in there with all that crying. 


February 8th through the 25th consisted of my mama being taken to UAB, surgery being performed, ICU, and talks of chemo and rehab. I have never been so scared ever in life. Her ICU stay was supposed to be 3 days but she ended up there for 2 weeks because her recovery was not going as planned. I started making accommodations with a Rehab center in Tuscaloosa to help her get back on her feet so she could be closer to me. I also had been in contact with her surgeon about her follow up chemo because my mama was going to make it. That thought process was the only way I could breathe, work, and take care of everything. I spent as much time as I could at UAB with her. Most of the time she was trying to send me back home to see about the kids. The whole time her biggest concern was me. Was I eating enough. don't be on that road too late, don't lose your job, you better see about Carl...I honestly did not care about any of that during that time. In my mind I was thinking, fuck them kids, job and man. My mama was sick. My mama had never spent any time in a hospital my whole life and I was scared.




February 26th, I was at work when I received a phone call telling me my mama was going to hospice. I hung up. The nurse called me back to make sure I understood what that meant. Bitch I know exactly what that means but you must have the wrong number. My mama is getting better..my mama is going to beat this...my mama will be back at work in a year. I had to sit on the floor in order for it to sink in, my mama was dying. The next few hours I was on auto pilot. I had to inform my manager of what was going on, pick up Trudy, and head to Birmingham. When I got there I had to figure out how to get her to her home and set up hospice care. Mama also threw in a few tasks for me to call people about her floors being done, how her car insurance had lapsed, and to give the bed in her spare bedroom to my cousin Ashley for her daughter. I think she did that kind of stuff to normalize what was going on. Once I got her home, I sat in her living room and bawled for hours. I was losing my mother and it would be only be a matter of days. This was the hardest day of them all. 


February 27th through 29th was filled with nothing but love. The weather was beautiful for February. I had the doors opened and allowed visitors. I gave her whatever she asked for even though she wasn't eating much but if she asked for it, she got it. She was shown so much love and that helped me more than I can describe. She was able to say goodbye to those that loved her most. She passed on the 29th. It was a Monday and I had some things to take care of for her so I didn't get to her until after 11. I walked in, washed my hands and got her a fresh wash cloth to keep her cool. I went in and talked to her. I asked her how was she and she replied, "I'm alright baby girl." I told her why I was just getting to her and told her I was going to eat and then come right back to her. I walked out of the room and a minute later my aunt screamed my name..my mama was gone. My mama waited on me...


Sharon Carey passed on February 29, 2016 during a leap year. I am so grateful that she was chosen to be my mother. She played no games with me but I truly appreciate her toughness because if not for that, I would not be me. Her toughness helps me navigate through life better and has taught me how to survive. I will forever miss her and there is not a day that passes that I do not think of my mama. So much of who I am is because of her..you're welcome.





















Tuesday, January 2, 2018

IS RELIGION KEEPING YOU SINGLE?

I just had the longest confusing conversation of my adult life that left me with this question, Is religion keeping women single? Evidently I have a very trusting face because people strike up conversations with me and tell me all types of things that I do not care about. Most of the time I do not repeat it because I don't retain the majority of it but this particular interaction left me in thought. She was going over why she thinks she is single and told me about several suitors and she used her religion to disqualify each man. In her mind she has set her future mate on some imaginary pedestal.

He has to be God like...









He has to be an active member of a church...

He can't be a member of her church...











Per statistics on any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America's churches so sis.... 




So lets talk y'all. How much does religion play in your dating life and do you think it is hindering you or helping you? What does the bible say about dating? 

Book Of The Month









HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! 

Trying something new!! New Year, New Tings! Get out of that comfort zone. One of our QOTD was What is the last book you read? Got a little feedback but we saw that more people want to read more. Here is your chance to do it together. We can knock that reading thing off of your 2018 To Do list. Every month. 

This is the January Book of the Month. We will discuss at the end of the month. The date, time and location TBA. So grab your copy or your e-copy and join us as we read "The Last Black Unicorn" by Tiffany Haddish #SheReady and we are too!!

If you have any suggestions for future books, please leave a comment.




Friday, December 22, 2017

December 22nd: B-DAY



This is told from my point-of-view, feelings...

I'm just going to go ahead and tell you, I'm a mess today. I won't even lie to you. Hell, I'm a mess most days. My Father's sudden tragic passing has affected me in ways that I can't describe. The pain and hurt run so deep. I feel robbed. It doesn't feel fair to me. I know life isn't fair but his passing has broken my heart beyond words. He has missed so much including his first grandson, graduating. He was so proud of Tyler and he played a big part in his making it. I thought he deserved to at least be here for that. He more than earned that.

He was my dog. He was so charismatic, always had a joke, always sarcastic and always loads of fun. You never had to wonder where you stood with him. A real stand up guy. He was an amazing cook, line dancer, and friend as well as husband, father, brother, uncle, nephew, cousin, and colleague. He was so many things. He treated the women in the family so well. He always did something for us for Valentine's Day and Mother's Day AT least. And you could count on a call on your birthday at the butt crack of dawn.

The holidays or pretty much any day isn't the same without him. Family and getting together was his thing! It doesn't feel right celebrating without him (to me) and it's very noticeable that he isn't here. He had a huge presence and you can walk in a room now and know that he is what's missing. 

He loved to talk. He loved all his classmates & neighbors. He would feed anyone and give you the clothes off of his back and the shoes off of his feet. He was a big advocate for voting and community involvement and he had a special place in his heart for West Tuscaloosa. You could often find him out in the streets in Tuscaloosa talking to different community members, business owners, residents, and friends.

He had two jobs after he retired: golf and tailgating/being at/helping Stillman. First, let's talk about golf. After experiencing racism and bias at different country clubs, he and his friends decided to start The Links Golf Club so that they didn't have to beg anyone to allow them to play or have to worry about being accepted. They could also use it to teach the children from the neighborhood whose parents may not have been able to afford golf lessons. He also wanted to expose those same children to something other than football, basketball, and baseball. My Dad and his friends, or homeboys if you will, played at different tournaments around the world and he always brought back the coolest swag gifts. I'm wearing one of his jackets today from the Diamondback Country Club. After googling the location, I'm not sure which one it came from because he played all over the country.

















My older brother Damon and I took golf lessons when we were younger. I had a jheri curl at the time & it was summer. That was "fun" lol. The best part of it to me was knowing my Dad had a golf bag full of change. After our lesson, my brother and I would sit in the clubhouse buying up all the snacks. :) 

Yeah, I'm not inserting those pix lol

He had a warm place in his heart for his home church, Weeping Mary Missionary Baptist Church where he served as a Deacon until his passing. He loved his church members and drove the church van sometimes. He would also sometimes use his personal vehicle to transport members. He and my Mother also loved to visit the sick and shut-in not only at the church but family members and friends.

The compassion that they showed, both parents, to those bereaved family and friends was just nothing short of amazing. From the time they learned of the passing through days after the funeral, you could count on them showing up in some kind of way to comfort you, bring you things, make you laugh and just be good company. 

And when his turn came, people showed out. I've never seen that amount of love in person. From the procession to the church, to the ride downtown and to the cemetery on 69. People pulled over. Flags were at half-staff. Police officers, EMT's and Firefighters were in front of their vehicles in their funeral blues standing at attention when we passed by. People pulled over on the highway. And at the cemetery, there was a fire truck with the ladder extended and the flag was hanging off of it. The City did that for him and I'll be forever grateful. It was emotional to see but it made me so full that the works that he had done, the lives that he touched, truly did speak for him. Not only did they speak, they shouted: WE LOVE YOU! He would've love to see it and in my mind, he did.

My reason for this post was to get some things out about the man that I loved, adored and took care of me until the day he died. As a matter of fact, because of problems with my house and a pending surgery, he had the kids and me to move in with him and my Mom until I could get better and we could get the house situated. I had my gallbladder removed in November 2014 that was supposed to be a same day surgery. I ended up being in there an additional 5 days. When I went to my post op check up, my lungs had collapsed. Came back to their house to recover some more and went for another checkup and I had pneumonia. Last checkup? Lungs had collapsed again. But throughout my recovery and all of this, he made sure I had 3 meals a day. He and my Mom picked up all my prescriptions, made sure I was comfortable, looked after my children, fed them, took them to their extracurricular activities, picked them up, checked homework, I mean, you name it. I can't describe how amazing they were and my Mom still is. In spite of.

I have relived this day over and over again and recently started going to therapy because I didn't feel like I had grieved properly and I was struggling with the why of it all. I felt like it was affecting my mental and physical health, my relationships and just my quality of life. I felt like one day I was going to snap. And I didn't know nor want to know, what that was going to look like. But I thank God for my loves. My children are resilient and my friends are amazing. All of them. Sometimes it's just a word, a meme, a joke, a "guess what happened to me" story, a post, a picture, a comment: ALL OF IT is helping me through whether you know it or not. You guys are the real MVP's. If I want to cry, you let me cry. If I want to be angry, you allow that too. You let me scream, vent, be sad, be happy, be whatever. You let me be me while I figure out what me is. I am forever indebted to you & will always have your back.

Let me also add that he had a soft spot for children but especially his grandchildren. Mess around and disappear for a few days & he doesn't see them, he's coming to get them. And in a few hours? he's calling you saying Aye, come get em! LOL! He would only be half kidding :P This sounds more like a eulogy ha? Bare with me.

But back to his love for Stillman & the ultimate reason for me writing this piece (other than to share my thoughts). I wanted to share this story that my great friend Dee Nyte shared with me. It took me a year to be able to share this. Dee is a people person much like my Dad and she ran into this gentleman here named Pierre Goode. 


















They began to talk and she found out that he had lived in Tuscaloosa and was the Track and Field Coach for Stillman. So whenever she meets someone from Tuscaloosa or Stillman, she always asks if they know us. He did. He told her how much love and respect he had for my Dad and that he had seen him 3 weeks prior to his passing on the Stillman field. He also showed her his Track and Field rings. Stillman's Track and Field team had won their championship but they were unable to buy the championship rings. As we learned with Bryant's Championship this year, the school is not allowed to pay for anything like this. He said my Dad purchased the rings for the team (I want to say both times but I'll have to double check with Dee).

Dee
That's my understanding. He talked about how your Dad and he cried on the field when he saw him about 3 weeks before you know what happened. He almost cried talking about how much he loved your Dad. He said he, Charles Barkley, and Bo Jackson hang out all the time.

 It blew me away. I never know that. Here are pix of the rings that he proudly and emotionally displayed as Dee said he was nearly in tears as he spoke about him. And I was nearly in tears reading and listening to it.






I told y'all he rocks and baby, he rolled for Stillman. He loved his Alma Mater. #SCbaby

I just don't understand, with all the terrible, horrible, sadistic people in this world that the world would benefit from being 6 feet under, why is this man gone? It has truly been a tough pill to swallow and I haven't fully digested it yet. I know it will take time but that is a portion of how I feel. I'm still grieving.

If you don't mind, I'd like to share a few hundred photos and memories. I had to narrow it down, which was hard lol but here they are:

























































I am so very proud to be the eldest daughter of this incredible man and today, I honor him. 


















I wear this shirt and his jacket and bask in the wonderful memories. And if you wouldn't mind, taking a cue from Britney Smith, if you would share any memories that you have of him or us, with us today, I know it will do my heart good.











Love Always & Forever,

Your Pig


Well, because, you knew!!