Tuesday, November 21, 2017

I'm Sorry But...That's Not Your Man

Love. 'Tis a splendid thing. A wonderful feeling. A warm emotion. Something that people, for some odd reason, LOVE to play with. 

This is the story of Joy. Joy loved love. She had dreamed of it since she was a little girl. She hadn't had many relationships but the ones that she had been in, she never really gave her all. She gave as much as she received but what she didn't realize is, she fell quick and she loved hard. 

Around 1996, she met an unusually handsome guy through mutual friends. He had a smile that would melt the Arctic icecaps. He was a gentleman and had a young daughter. They had such a connection and both had been through crappy relationships that each thought the other was a breath of fresh air. They ended up sleeping together on the first night. That turned into a 2 year blissful relationship. Or so she thought.

What happened?

They both worked two jobs but found time to see each other. They both had a child from a previous relationship. They would have lunchtime picnics, exchange love notes, they had their own text language. She would visit him on his jobs. He would visit her on hers. Weekly or bi-weekly, he'd pick up her car on her 2nd job and take it to get detailed and bring it back to her smelling all good. A year in, she gave him the key to her apartment. He got even sweeter. 

He had the most passionate kisses, warmest hugs, funniest jokes. He would bring his child over. They all got along. He would leave her little sweet love notes and presents. He would get off after she'd left for work in the morning and if he saw that the garbage needed taking out or that dishes needed washing, he would do it for her. She cooked for him. She met his friends. He often talked to her when he was around his friends. He was around her family.

What happened?

One day she didn't hear from him. One day turned into three, turned into seven. She panicked. She went by his job, no luck. She wasn't authorized to be in the areas that he was in. He often snuck her into his job so she didn't want to make too much noise. The mutual friends? That hadn't heard from him either. As Joy searched for answers, she realized that she didn't know where his friends lived. She knew about where his Mom lived but had never officially met. Just "tell your Mom I said hi" through the phone and vice versa. OMG!

Was he dead?

She stopped short of filing a missing persons report or checking the morgue. A lot of realities hit her. She hadn't met his Mom. Didn't have her number, didn't know where she lived. Didn't have his brother's numbers, didn't know where they lived. She didn't know where the friends lived. How important was she in his life? They were going on year number two of their relationship. How could she be so stupid?

Are you okay?

Then she got a phone call. It was him. It had been two weeks. She was relieved and angry at the same time. He was having financial problems and decided to move in with his baby mother.

He assured her that he was sleeping on the couch and not romantically involved with her. He said he wanted to be with her (Joy) but he knew he'd have to marry her in order to live with her. And he wasn't financially ready for that. The next day, he called her as he done the last two years. But this time, he called her as if nothing happened. It was as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders and they could just pick up where they left off. He was okay. She was numb. She was broken. She was done and she was over it. He was fine. He was ready to just dive back in. As if nothing had ever happened. Back like he'd never left. TF is wrong with him?

So if you don't learn anything else, take this as a precautionary tale and rule of thumb to know when it's not your man.

If you have not met his children, that's not your man.
If you have not met his parents and they are alive, that's not your man.
If you have not met his closest friends and/or any friends, that's not your man.
If you can't be seen together in public, that's not your man.
If his ex still calls regularly & they don't have any children together, that's not your man.
If he turns into Mr. Fantastic to answer texts and/or phone calls, that's not your man.
If he hides his face in pictures or refuses to be photographed, that's not your man.
If he does disappearing acts and he's NOT apart of the circus, that's not your man.
If he has more excuses than a man or woman going to jail, that's not your man.
If he only tells you how he feels in the throes of passion or he never says it, that's not your man.
If he won't date you, that's not your man.
If he won't spend time with you, that's not your man.
If you don't know where he lives, his family lives, if you have never been to his house, that's not your man.
If you only hear from him between the hours of 10 PM and 4 AM, that's not your man.
If you have to call him and he never calls you, that's not your man.
If he talks in code, that's not your man.
If he doesn't answer at least 50% of the time and/or it takes him longer than 24 hours to return a text and when you are around him, he always has his phone in his hand, that's not your man.
If you happen to be out together and he introduces you by your name only or some moniker like shorty, boo or baby girl, that's not your man.
If he untags himself in your posts and/or pix, that's not your man.
If he hits you with the "what's understood doesn't have to be explained" and/or you find yourself saying that when people question your relationship status, that's not your man.
If it takes an act of Congress to get him to do anything relationship like, babygirl, that's not your man.

Did I leave anything out?

Want to know what happened with good ol' Brian? He ended up marrying the baby mama and having two more children. They ended up divorcing and he re-married and had three more children. Sigh.

*Names have been changed to protect the blindsided

Sis Is This Your Man? Things To Consider Before Joining The Group

(side note: I've heard about the multiple groups and now I think the police are involved due to the content in some of the groups). They've made different groups for different cities/states. I hadn't been in any of them so I don't know the full scope of these groups, but I get the gist. I even heard that men have formed their own group...

Anyhoo, the only problem I have with these groups is there is no pedophile & pedophile apologists exposure group. I'd gladly vote to do away with all groups if it meant that we can have that one. They've been sheltered & protected for far too long. We preach to "mind your business" and the only time that we obey this sermon is when it comes to rape/sexual assault/pedophile culture. But I'm getting off topic. This is a very entertaining article and brings up very valid arguments. Enjoy...

Sis Is This Your Man? Things To Consider Before Joining The Group

Posted on November 17, 2017, at 3:09 p.m.

#TakeMeToTheKing because #SisIsThisYourMan is going to result in repentance, resurrection and rolling the heck out! Time to meet at the altar with tea because the sisters are snatching edges and bringing forth the demon of darkness to light exposure. Let me start off with some background. For the past couple of years, the “Sis Is This Your Man?” groups and other similar groups have been popping up over social media. One group in the U.S. has nearly 300,000 members and last night, a Caribbean group got over 14,000 members and started trending. The premise is simple – post a photo of someone’s significant other and see if other people claim that they are in a relationship with that person too. There are tons of groups that have popped up across the U.S., many of them grouped based on the city. Needless to say, there are some consequences when you get involved in these types of groups and it’s not just the vast amount of time you will waste scrolling through, praying you don’t see someone you know, or even yourself. So here are 10 things to consider before jumping in. If you join, you may learn that

Your Man Is Gay

You love his neat ways, attention to detail, that smooth skin and those manicured nails. But when you post his pic in the group and the tricks and the dicks are on it, you are not prepared to accept the fact that he’s not just cheating, but he’s cheating on you with another man. Some women are prepared to handle another woman but they are not ready to imagine their man catfishing as a fish. So now, you realize your entire relationship was a fraud and instead of wondering what she’s got that you don’t your world is about to end because now everyone knows he’s bisexual or worse, just using you to hide his true gay truth.

Your Man is Being Set Up

Your Man is Being Set Up – Some people are cruel and vicious and hate to see a great relationship evolving. So they will go on your profile, steal a photo of your partner and post it in there simply to stir up trouble. They will allege he is in a relationship so that you can dump him and they can sashay in and swipe him up then laugh at you to your face for being the fool who took the bait. So please, make sure the allegation is a fact before you run off and tell that man off… or worse.

Your Man is All Our Man

Stop the faux shock. You know your man heaux ain’t loyal. He has more women than King Solomon had concubines, he makes no apologies and you have the ring but you are babysitting the child he had two years into your marriage. You have the house, the car, you’re holding out on sex because he can get it anywhere and you have been told he’s a dog but you are the one who will happily cook the steak and lay out the doggie bed and purchase the flea powder. You know he’s going to go in the group and when he walks through the door, you keep on scrolling and think about what he’s going to buy for you for Christmas. Chances are you're the one reading the credit card statement noticing the he's buying five of the same items from the same store. You're also the one buying the Christmas gifts for the extra kids. You all know about each other. You're a sister wife. Get out of the group and y'all work together to figure out how to properly rotate your poly lifestyle none of you will admit to.

Your Man is Going to Cut You Off

Y’all side heauxs ain’t loyal and loyalty has a price. If you are someone’s sidechick and you’re living a fairly okay life, you being in such a group and making public declarations after you swore your discretion is a sure way to go from sidechick to nothing at all. If that’s your life, that’s your life but when you agree to be a dirty little secret, you better listen to Xscape and that’s just how you should keep it… never let ‘em know, never let show. Y’all want those Olivia Pope and Mary Jane benefits without putting in the work. Get you some wine and popcorn and back up out of that group before you lose your benefits.

Your Man Has Been Bad All Along

Do you really need a group to let you know that your man is not going to be behaving anytime soon? His own mother told you that you can do better, his sister low key tries to hint to you to dump him and you know you can do better but you're in love with the idea of being in a 'relationship'. Stop scrolling and figure out if you really have the energy to deal with him. You know the only thing he can do for you is give you heartache, an STD and an excuse. Don't claim him in the groups. You'll get laughed at because he never claims you, not even on his social media pages.

To read the rest, click on this link: Buzzfeed: Sis Is This Your Man?

Outside of being addicted to drama, I don't know why else these groups exist. I get it - tired of being played, tired of sharing, etc. but other than gossip and embarrassment, what's the point? What are you hoping to accomplish? If you're in the group or if you created one of the groups, we'd like to hear from you.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017


All the things going on in this world and I still see men debating on how women are wearing their hair. Really?!!! Get yo life please! There is only one man that  I care about liking my hair and that's my man. Anyone else can kick rocks. And men the majority of women feel the same way. I have read articles that say we wear weave because we do not love ourselves. 

Who in the fuck told you that bruh? WHO? I will agree that society has some women so screwed up that they think all this extra stuff makes or breaks them but this is not true for ALL women. Some of us like weave because every now and then we like to look different. That. Is. All. It's that simple. We get sick of dealing with our hair at times so we do something convenient. Sue us! You do not understand our struggle but yet have the most to say.  You keep screaming you do not like weave yet you lust over weavetastic models.

And let me tell you betrothed, married, or otherwise spoken for men talking about what you do or do not like about hair...Why you in this conversation SIS? Hunh? You have one job! That one head of hair on YOUR woman. Leave the rest of us alone. Your chats about what you like or do not like make no sense and we don't care. Keep it! Share it with your woman and she may not care either. 

We out here dealing with so much everyday that worrying about how you feel about our hair is not necessary. I had an older man tell me today that he is sick of this nappy look and can not wait until women start back relaxing their hair.

I wanted to reach over my desk and snatch his tail across it but I love having things like power and food so I sat back and gave him a lesson. First of all sir, do not say that to another woman because it is rude. B, its a relaxer and not a perm, and tres (that's 3 in Spanish BTW) my hair is beautiful and your opinion was not warranted. Now how may I help you today?

So, men, have we learned anything today? 

Keep Yo Hands To Yo Self, Part 1

Yeah. It's all grammatically incorrect and I know it. This is a blanket apology going forth. There will be expletives. Sorry Mom.

But this isn't about my lazy grammar, this is about an increase in domestic violence and why women have to repeatedly be beaten within inches of their lives and/or die and there's still no change.

This is about what seems to be the norm in the male/female dynamic in society.

This is about why men feel so inclined and like it's a constitutional right to raise their hands to women, to verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse women.

This is about why women seem to be indispensable.

This is about why we are constantly preaching to, judging, downing and disowning women who have been and maybe still are apart of a domestic violence situation.

This is about blaming the women for staying or leaving and returning.

This is about shaming the women who found themselves victim to an unstable creature one or thirty times.

This is about the people around said woman that asks her "what did you do?" "why do you make him angry?" "If only you would..."

This is about how society seeks to put the blame on everyone but the mf'er responsible for the violence.

Excuse me, O Perfect One that walks on water, but who the f**k are you? AND WHY ARE YOU NOT SHAMING, BLAMING AND RUNNING OFF THE MAN???

Listen ladies. There is nothing, short of trying to harm or kill a man, NOTHING that you could EVER do, to bring violence to yourselves. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ACTIONS. Period. Any man that raises his fist at a woman is a punk. Plain and simple. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him being coddled and babied and people covering for all his shortcomings.

That's just how he is.
Don't make him mad.
You shouldn't do that.
That will set him off.
He just needs to walk it off.

Nah Sis aka Apologists, he needs some f**king help!!

Sounds like he should've been getting help from our all but non-existent mental health system. Those things need to be addressed, will not just go away and need to be handled before turning that menace loose on society. Keeping him in that back room is not doing you or anyone else any favors.


If you've never been in it, you have NO IDEA how hard it is to get out. You can't imagine the emotional and psychological damage that stays around for years IF she survives it. And that's granted, there were no underlying and residual issues from her past already. Women are literally dying to leave their abusive partners. We have GOT to have a better support system in place for women that decide to leave their partners outside of nasty looks, disdain, and bundles of shame for "getting herself in that predicament" in the first place. Women who find themselves in these situations are NOT weak. But you know who is? Whoever is abusing her. We need to protect the abused and not the abuser.

Let me type that again so that the people in the back can see and hear it:


He's always sorry.
He absolutely will do it again.
You don't have to stick around to see if he means it.
He does not love you.
He does not value you.
He does not respect you.

In the middle of writing this, the Roy Moore and continuation of "Weinsteining" has emerged. So, y'all are really going to justify his behavior using Biblical references? And you're okay with this? And you can look in the mirror and sleep at night? That's really...uh Satanic. I don't know any other word to use for it. It's blasphemous. It's disheartening. It's sick, twisted and perverted. Anyone supporting Ray Gimme A Lil Moore amid these allegations and justifying them "as a sign of the times" or whatever nonsense that you want to brainwash the world with, needs to join him in whatever punishment comes from this. Even if it's just exposure. I don't know the statute of limitations on these allegations and whatever is going on and has been going on here in Alabama and in Hollywood but there need to be repercussions. It's been going on way too long and swept under the rug way too often.

And you wonder why people wait so long to tell. Because y'all are hell on a victim. His or her WHOLE life is brought into question but never the actions that may have resulted from the wrong done to him or her. He or she is called everything from a liar to a gold digging opportunist. He or she gets harassed via phone, text, social media and in person. They don't get the love and support that they should get. And if he was the breadwinner and/or you moved in with him, you're now either homeless or couch hopping. And if you have kids? Forget about it. It's not impossible but it's hard uprooting children from place to place, pillar to post, couch to car to couch...


We need to do better. So much better. Her leaving should be a celebration. She should have somewhere to go. She should have a warm bed. And counseling. And hugs. And support. The kids need it too. No matter what situation Mom or Dad find themselves in, the kids should be protected and safe. Kids shouldn't die trying to protect their parent from abuse. They shouldn't witness it. They see it and think that it's normal. They won't know any better until they see better. So they will emulate what they see and possibly begin their own cycle of abuse. And that could range from beating their significant other to drugs to escape the images in their heads and their own processing of what they are seeing.

We have protected abusers for far too long. I know of stories of prominent men in different cities that could beat their wives and girlfriends and the police, knowing them, would just take them for a ride for a little while to let them cool off. No charges. What happens when she stops calling the police? What happens when she just gives up? Every person deals with abuse differently. It may make some strong, it will make some numb, it will make some weak and some will go around just feeling dead inside. Feeling like it's their fault, abusing herself. Feeling like she's unsafe. All of this is valid and we should not project our feelings about how we feel about what happened onto the victim. Or Survivor.

When you recognize these tendencies in someone in your family, friends and/or close circle or you KNOW it to be true, be the voice for that person to get help. Be relentless. Don't give in, don't give up and don't give them a pass. You may just save a life.

We see the signs.
Domestic violence isn't just about being hit. You can be abused physically, verbally, mentally, and emotionally.
We don't have to just take it.
We have to break the cycle. 
We have to break the silence. 
We have to be the voice.
Abusers will not get better until they get help. 
Baby girl, your love is not enough.
Your love alone can't and won't save him.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Goals: Get Your Own

Goals: Get Your Own

So the news came out that Jill Scott is getting divorced after 15 months. 

*Disclaimer: I do not give a rat's ass about Jill's marriage and I am not judging because my marriage lasted a hot second so I have nothing sideways to say.*

Let us rewind to 15 months ago when hundreds of thousand women swooned and wanted what she had. Remember that? 

Jill's is not the only relationship I have seen coveted. Wiz and Amber...bad example...ummm wait..ok lets go with Will and Jada, Beyoncé and Jay, Gucci and Keisha, Bert and Ernie...etc. We want things & we have no idea what it takes to get them or keep them for that matter. So much time is spent to replicate something that we do not hold the blueprint to..

Those are not our lives. The majority of us are not multi millionaires and our men can not shower us with expensive gifts and take us on exotic trips several times a year. That's too much pressure to put on yourself anyway. Any time you try to be anything but you is stressful. Sometimes you want what someone has and the person that has IT does not even want IT.

Lets figure out what we really need for our lives and make those our goals. Lets tap into our dreams and focus on making them happen. You've attained your goals? Good now help someone else with theirs. Empower your neighbors, family, children, and friends. Reach one, teach one...yasssssss! 

I do not want Will and Jada's relationship but I would like to be connected to them for business purposes. I could care less about how they stay together because I am no Jada and I am not in a relationship with Will. I have to do what's best for me in my relationship and being like Jada may not work for my Mister. I love to see happy couples and I am an advocate of happiness. I just want people to be realistic and focus on what works for them  in life and in relationships. Watching someone else's life trying to duplicate it is the easiest way to fail. Sitting swooning over someone making their wife their WCW week after week...

Meanwhile he Facebook inbox diving acting single like he trying win an Olympic gold medal...

All I am trying to say is get your own goals girl!

Check out the story about Jill's divorce here: YBF

Thursday, November 2, 2017



I love, love, love, LOVE this article and wish that it could be implanted into the minds of everyone in the world. But inviting that kind of wishing will have us living in some kind of iRobot adjacent scenario. So I'll just say, I wish that everyone in the world would read this article and meditate on it.

It was written back in January by none other than Mr. Armani Valentino. As I told you in the Forward Fridays post, he is serious about love, y'all. I'll share a few excerpts and then add the link to read the article in its entirety. This article is on his website.

Relationship Advice of the Day: People can't give you what they don't have. So, don't take it personal when you love someone and they don't reciprocate.

The more and more I live, travel, speak, and coach different individuals, couples, small business owners, etc., I realize a lot of people have not experienced real unselfish and unconditional love from the opposite sex. Therefore, while they want unconditional love from others, they give conditional love.

As much as we would like to think everyone knows how to reciprocate love, this is not true. And those who do know how to do so, many times there has been so much hurt on top of hurt from each time they trusted their heart with someone else, that their subconscious mind sends them into fight or flight mode. Meaning, they will either run from love or find a reason to be mean and ugly toward the other person who is trying to love them, unconditionally. This is usually recognizable by the person shooting down or minimizing kind things that are done for them or said to them. For example, you'll say something good to them and in turn, they'll say something in return to diminish the compliment that you gave. Sometimes, in real bad cases of hurt, shame, and bitterness, they will feel uncomfortable for you saying something good about them, especially if you're complimenting them in an area where they may have been criticized for many years. They are insecure in that area of their life and it will show.

It is natural to say good things to someone, especially if you love and care about them
. This is the reason most children will hug and kiss you every single day of their life until and unless someone else tells them otherwise. It is the natural thing to do. However, when an individual starts to receive the opposite of good, clean, powerful, and positive words from others, while it may hurt a little in the beginning stages, unless someone comes along and reminds this person of who they truly are (a physical manifestation of LOVE) as soon as possible, they will believe the lies that they are anything other than wonderful and those words begin to hurt a whole lot.

If you hear every single day --- you are ugly, your nose is big, your momma/daddy ain't nothing and they don't love you, you're fat, you, you're poor, you're never going to be anything in life, you can't do math or read because your slow, or whatever else you hear about yourself from others --- you're going to start to believe the words and those words are going to subconsciously become the norm for your life. Sadly, no matter where you go or where you end up in life, until you overcome this, the words from those individuals is going to shape your self image, self-esteem, and self-worth. Well, it is the same way with love and relationships.

So, you will attract whatever you're used to because it is the normUntil real inner development begins to takes place, you're going to continue to attract the kind of situations that will reflect your low self-esteem, insecurities, and over self worth. Not so much that it's what you want, but because it's the level you are used to or what the individuals around you are used to (friends, family, etc.). And both of these are usually predicated on your self-image, surroundings, and your ability to GIVE and RECEIVE love.

A man/woman who desires a healthy relationship MUST understand that HEALTHY relationships are predicated on a healthy self-image, healthy and regular communication, respect, forgiveness, and the ability to love unconditionally. You will have a very hard time ever having a healthy relationship without either of these at the foundation of the relationship. No matter how good the sex is or how much money either of you have, without these things at the core of the daily interaction, you'll end up hurting yourself and/or the other person even more from the relationship as opposed to helping.

Until you're healed, you bleed on everyone you try and love! If you have HEALED from the hurt (or you're pretty close) and pain from your past, you will know it because the desire to give and receive unconditional love will be present. Plus, the inclination to be vulnerable will be present, and it will cause you to feel some type of way because you won't be able to explain it.

Water seeks it's own level; Love does as well. Therefore, if you want a better man, become a better woman. If you want a better woman become a better man.
 If you're currently in a relationship, and want it to be better, try your best to bring your best self to the relationship, daily. And when you do this, it will become a habit and therefore force the relationship to improve! You can't give a half-hearted effort and expect for anything to actually work, especially not a relationship. After knowledge of your issues, don't use them as an excuse to not LOVE at the highest level. Doing so means you're now allowing your past to control your present, and as long as you do that you'll never experience the love you truly desire. While love is not contingent on reciprocity, when two people are "IN LOVE" it is rooted in reciprocity, a universal law. It feels natural and easy!

In conclusion, Remember.... "People can't give what they don't have! So don't get upset when you love and care for someone who has no love to reciprocate. By the time you meet most good hearted people nowadays, they've had the love misused and abused out of them for so long that your genuine love and concern will seem like manipulation, and ultimately... too much like right." #ArmaniValentino

Until next time...
--- Check out my latest blog at
#noego #nocomfortzone #iallowmygood 

This article came from: People Can't Give What They Don't Have

I lied. I shared the whole damn thing. It was just that good to me. I hope that it resonates with you and you pass it on. You never know whom on your timeline needs it. Sometimes we blindly share experiences, stories, testimonies, not knowing what another person is going through. Have you ever seen anyone write on your timeline or inbox you or text you and said man, you don't know how on time that was or girl, thank you for posting that, I really needed to read that. That's all it takes. A seed has been planted. And now the work begins.


Wednesday, November 1, 2017

The Very Thing That Bonds Us Is Taking Us Out

Have you ever been a part of something, a club, a group, a band, a cult, a medical experiment, etc. and one day you look up and realize that the same thing that brought you together, is the very thing that's taking you out?

Let me explain. I have Sarcoidosis. It is an auto-immune disease. It can affect any organ in your body and has affected a few of mine. I don't go around telling everyone because it's not something that I can or really care to explain in passing. And then I get all kinds of unsolicited advice: "if you just...then you'll be fine". Or, well you don't look sick! Thank God b/c it's all an act and I am in hell. Another reason is that people usually don't get it until I say: it's what Bernie Mac had. Then it gets awkward.


That's a reality check in and of itself.

I am apart of a few online support groups. We talk about day to day struggles, medicines, frustrations, welcome new members, try to identify new symptoms, new research, possible cures, possible causes. We talk about holistic approaches, becoming vegan, exercise, etc. It works for some, not so much for others. Usually, with sarcoidosis, it is accompanied with other diseases like fibromyalgia, arthritis, diabetes, ulcers just to name a few. Some of the members are family members of those with sarcoidosis looking for ways to support and help their loved ones and just learn about the disease from those that experience it.

I take chemo once a week as part of my therapy. I take it on Sundays which is why I haven't been in a church building in a while. It makes me sick & I sleep all day (hi Mom). I also wear a sew-in a lot to protect my hair. It had fallen out really bad when I first started so I use it as a protective style. This is a dig at people who always have something to say about women wearing weave. You don't know what the hell folks are going through so leave them be. If it's not for you then don't wear it. Leave the rest of us alone.

One thing is for certain, no two people have the same experience with it. We all are diagnosed and treated differently and we are all affected differently. We have different triggers that cause flare-ups. We all handle it differently. But there are two consistent themes: fear of the unknown (how the disease will progress if it does) and depression. This disease is complex and seems to still be a mystery to most medical personnel. Some doctors dismiss it and treat it like it's no big deal & it's all in your mind. Some doctors welcome the challenge and will learn everything that they can, with your input, to help you cope and possibly go into remission and/or live with it for the rest of your life.

It is also a diagnosis of exclusion. That means that you have to be tested for any and everything else before they say yeah, this is it. And the symptoms have to be there before they'll even test you. They'll just mark it as "suspected as" sarcoidosis. Do you know how exhausting that is? And sometimes, by the time that you make it to the doctor, whatever was ailing you when you made the appointment, is no longer there but something new. And they want to watch it. 

For example, I had severe stomach pain for months. It was intermittent initially. Then it grew. They gave me NSAIDS (prescription Ibuprofen) for pain and inflammation which actually made things worse. It took 2 doctor visits, 2 specialist referrals, four ER visits, and a week-long hospital stay with 4 different tests before they found the ulcers eating my stomach and small intestine. 

They tried to label me as a drug seeker. And if you know me, I'll have to be in really bad pain to go see about it. And I also don't like to burden people with having to drive me or sit at DCH with me. (Character flaw for another post). 

Do you know what they gave me for that pain? Morphine. 
Do you know what aggravated the hell out of my ulcers? Morphine.

This disease plays with your mind. Well, it plays with mine. I sometimes think I am going insane. Being in the groups, I know that I'm not alone with that feeling. We support each other fully. I've tried exercising mind over matter because I've been told that if I change my mindset, the sarcoidosis symptoms will go away.

I still have it lol. I am not having a pity party nor do I want one. It's the reality of what I'm facing. Denying it doesn't do me or anyone else any favors. I often put on a brave face and go along with my day and the usual foolishness but sometimes. Sometimes. It's more than I can handle. I also deal with migraines. I've been dealing with migraines for what seems like forever. It wasn't until some time in 2015 when I started getting botox injections that they somewhat became manageable. My migraines lasted anywhere from 48 hours to 21 days. Straight. If you've ever had a migraine, then you know. So, for them to even become manageable, I have to get 30-40 injections (in all) across my forehead, between my eyes, the back of my neck leading down to my shoulders every 3 months. I still get migraines but they don't last as long. Mark that as a dub in my book (a win).

*Sigh* I said all that to give you a little background on the subject of this post. Sometimes you have to take a break. I love the groups and the support and being able to help calm newly diagnosed patients, sharing recipes and reveling in the success of remission or being pain-free but there are also people in the group dying. I can't even describe how it feels to log on and see an RIP because one day, it could be someone posting on my behalf. There isn't enough information or studies concerning the progression or remission of this disease so none of us know how long it will last or what longing effects it will have on our health. We comfort each other and send up prayers, good vibes, love, and light but the reality is, well for me and I'm sure them, is facing our own mortality. I prefer not to think of it on a daily basis. I prefer not to think of it at all. But what I do think about is - we probably wouldn't know each other if it wasn't for this dreadful disease so I appreciate the bonds that have been formed. I've met some really cool people. But we are only bonded by something that's killing all of us.

We are all on borrowed time. Some a little faster than others but from this point on, I am going to do things differently. I don't know exactly what that means or entails, I'll figure it out along the way. Whatever feels good, I shall embrace. Whatever doesn't, will have to go. Whatever amount of time that I have left here, I want to make it count. I want to experience things. I want to make the rest of my life the best of my life. So whenever I feel up to whatever, I will partake. When I don't, I won't. And I won't make apologies. I'm sick of having to coddle and comfort people who have a reaction to what I'm going through, about what I do and don't show up for, about what I can or can't do, about what I should or shouldn't do. 


Don't get me wrong, real caretakers and loved ones are the MVPs. It takes a lot out of you to have to drop everything and rearrange your life to take care of a loved one suddenly and/or for an extended period. I salute all that fit into that category.

I am just tired of having to explain why I can't do this or go there or that I don't feel up to it. Why can't my no be no? From now on, my no is a complete sentence. And it will not be followed by an explanation. My no's have caused me to become alienated from some people. I've stopped getting invitations to things. I assume it's because they assume I'm going to say no or they just didn't feel like being bothered with me. Maybe not feeling up to attending was...offensive? Maybe my being ill made them sick??

I still appreciate the invite. It shows that you thought about me, wanted to include me, even if I couldn't come. But I've made peace with it now. I've learned to go where I am celebrated and not just tolerated. And it's a beautiful thing. 

I am tired. 

I'm beyond exhausted.

But I won't give up.

His wife and daughter are still very active with this foundation and hoping to one day find a cure. I hope to see one too!