5 Topics All Couples Should Be Comfortable Talking About

By Suzanne McKenzieAug 21 2017

If you're like most people, then the mere thought of bringing up a tough subject in a relationship probably makes you cringe so hard that your face cramps up.

And with good reason!

Whether you're just starting to fall for someone or your relationship is older than some Millennials, the last thing you want to do is initiate a conversation that could cause awkwardness and conflict with the person you love (or are on your way to loving).

Here's the truth, though: Regardless of whether you feel like discussing challenging topics, sometimes you have no choice in the matter. If you want to have a healthy, honest relationship that has the potential for real longevity, then those potentially awkward discussions are a non-negotiable.

Avoiding difficult subjects won't lead to anything but anxiety and wasted time, and when we're talking about love and life, who has time for that?

Not us — and certainly not you.

Here are five topics that all couples should be comfortable talking about — even though many aren't.

1. Past relationships

2. Spending habits

3. Career goals

4. Plans for kids (or lack thereof)

5. Financial health

Original article in its entirety: 5 Topics All Couples Should Be Comfortable Talking About

Do you agree or disagree with this list? Would you add any topics or take away any?

Matthew 7:3

"Why do you see the speck that is in your brothers eye, but do not notice the log that is in your eye?"

Some of y'all do not understand things unless a bible verse is thrown at ya. Hey the things I am about to say pertain to my ass too. I am not throwing a rock and hiding my hands. We all need to do better. Social media is spiraling out of control and reminds me of being bullied on the playground. A group of people that never met me and knew nothing about me decided I could not be liked and decided to make my life a living hell. In order to have peace I first had to go to war and then we became friends. That was stupid then and we were kids so imagine what I feel bout it now as an adult...

I did not watch the parade video and I care not to because I have not danced nor did my daughter so my opinion has no merit because I do not know whats normal in that world and what's excessive. I have met a few of these directors and I commend them for spending countless thankless hours with kids in our community. I do know that a lot of these directors are an inbox, phone call, or email away from us. A lot of us also know the parents and a lot of the young ladies that were involved and guess what...we failed them. A lot of people jumped on the bashing bandwagon that helped boost the negativity on a thousand and caused some people to feel comfortable in referencing these young women as whores and sluts. Y'all feel better now? Is this what the plan was...

You may not think your comment led to that but think about it. Once one person says what you are thinking, you feel free to voice your opinion and then it becomes a snowball effect. I know because I am the queen of blurting my opinion but I do not play about kids. Kids are innocent and their choices are made for them so when it comes to them, I tread lightly. What happens in these children's lives now has potential to shape their entire life. So how you think this fiasco turned out for them?

I will end this with words from my partner in crime Leigh bka LitLeigh:

"Instead of berating and shaming these children that unfortunately have to go to school with your children who no doubt repeat what they hear/see, why don't you contact the program directors/coordinators of the organization(s) that concerned you? Have an effing conversation with the people that have the authority to change what you're seeing. Speak and be heard as well as listen and work together. Obviously, so many more of you could have put together a better and dare I say a more "decent" parade. Sign up! Join a committee! Lend a hand! Volunteer! All this grandstanding with no action is exhausting & we'll be right here again next year. #NoneGiven"

I'm Sorry But...That's Not Your Man

Love. 'Tis a splendid thing. A wonderful feeling. A warm emotion. Something that people, for some odd reason, LOVE to play with. 

This is the story of Joy. Joy loved love. She had dreamed of it since she was a little girl. She hadn't had many relationships but the ones that she had been in, she never really gave her all. She gave as much as she received but what she didn't realize is, she fell quick and she loved hard. 

Around 1996, she met an unusually handsome guy through mutual friends. He had a smile that would melt the Arctic icecaps. He was a gentleman and had a young daughter. They had such a connection and both had been through crappy relationships that each thought the other was a breath of fresh air. They ended up sleeping together on the first night. That turned into a 2 year blissful relationship. Or so she thought.

What happened?

They both worked two jobs but found time to see each other. They both had a child from a previous relationship. They would have lunchtime picnics, exchange love notes, they had their own text language. She would visit him on his jobs. He would visit her on hers. Weekly or bi-weekly, he'd pick up her car on her 2nd job and take it to get detailed and bring it back to her smelling all good. A year in, she gave him the key to her apartment. He got even sweeter. 

He had the most passionate kisses, warmest hugs, funniest jokes. He would bring his child over. They all got along. He would leave her little sweet love notes and presents. He would get off after she'd left for work in the morning and if he saw that the garbage needed taking out or that dishes needed washing, he would do it for her. She cooked for him. She met his friends. He often talked to her when he was around his friends. He was around her family.

What happened?

One day she didn't hear from him. One day turned into three, turned into seven. She panicked. She went by his job, no luck. She wasn't authorized to be in the areas that he was in. He often snuck her into his job so she didn't want to make too much noise. The mutual friends? That hadn't heard from him either. As Joy searched for answers, she realized that she didn't know where his friends lived. She knew about where his Mom lived but had never officially met. Just "tell your Mom I said hi" through the phone and vice versa. OMG!

Was he dead?

She stopped short of filing a missing persons report or checking the morgue. A lot of realities hit her. She hadn't met his Mom. Didn't have her number, didn't know where she lived. Didn't have his brother's numbers, didn't know where they lived. She didn't know where the friends lived. How important was she in his life? They were going on year number two of their relationship. How could she be so stupid?

Are you okay?

Then she got a phone call. It was him. It had been two weeks. She was relieved and angry at the same time. He was having financial problems and decided to move in with his baby mother.

He assured her that he was sleeping on the couch and not romantically involved with her. He said he wanted to be with her (Joy) but he knew he'd have to marry her in order to live with her. And he wasn't financially ready for that. The next day, he called her as he done the last two years. But this time, he called her as if nothing happened. It was as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders and they could just pick up where they left off. He was okay. She was numb. She was broken. She was done and she was over it. He was fine. He was ready to just dive back in. As if nothing had ever happened. Back like he'd never left. TF is wrong with him?

So if you don't learn anything else, take this as a precautionary tale and rule of thumb to know when it's not your man.

If you have not met his children, that's not your man.
If you have not met his parents and they are alive, that's not your man.
If you have not met his closest friends and/or any friends, that's not your man.
If you can't be seen together in public, that's not your man.
If his ex still calls regularly & they don't have any children together, that's not your man.
If he turns into Mr. Fantastic to answer texts and/or phone calls, that's not your man.
If he hides his face in pictures or refuses to be photographed, that's not your man.
If he does disappearing acts and he's NOT apart of the circus, that's not your man.
If he has more excuses than a man or woman going to jail, that's not your man.
If he only tells you how he feels in the throes of passion or he never says it, that's not your man.
If he won't date you, that's not your man.
If he won't spend time with you, that's not your man.
If you don't know where he lives, his family lives, if you have never been to his house, that's not your man.
If you only hear from him between the hours of 10 PM and 4 AM, that's not your man.
If you have to call him and he never calls you, that's not your man.
If he talks in code, that's not your man.
If he doesn't answer at least 50% of the time and/or it takes him longer than 24 hours to return a text and when you are around him, he always has his phone in his hand, that's not your man.
If you happen to be out together and he introduces you by your name only or some moniker like shorty, boo or baby girl, that's not your man.
If he untags himself in your posts and/or pix, that's not your man.
If he hits you with the "what's understood doesn't have to be explained" and/or you find yourself saying that when people question your relationship status, that's not your man.
If it takes an act of Congress to get him to do anything relationship like, babygirl, that's not your man.

Did I leave anything out?

Want to know what happened with good ol' Brian? He ended up marrying the baby mama and having two more children. They ended up divorcing and he re-married and had three more children. Sigh.

*Names have been changed to protect the blindsided

Sis Is This Your Man? Things To Consider Before Joining The Group

(side note: I've heard about the multiple groups and now I think the police are involved due to the content in some of the groups). They've made different groups for different cities/states. I hadn't been in any of them so I don't know the full scope of these groups, but I get the gist. I even heard that men have formed their own group...

Anyhoo, the only problem I have with these groups is there is no pedophile & pedophile apologists exposure group. I'd gladly vote to do away with all groups if it meant that we can have that one. They've been sheltered & protected for far too long. We preach to "mind your business" and the only time that we obey this sermon is when it comes to rape/sexual assault/pedophile culture. But I'm getting off topic. This is a very entertaining article and brings up very valid arguments. Enjoy...

Sis Is This Your Man? Things To Consider Before Joining The Group

Posted on November 17, 2017, at 3:09 p.m.


#TakeMeToTheKing because #SisIsThisYourMan is going to result in repentance, resurrection and rolling the heck out! Time to meet at the altar with tea because the sisters are snatching edges and bringing forth the demon of darkness to light exposure. Let me start off with some background. For the past couple of years, the “Sis Is This Your Man?” groups and other similar groups have been popping up over social media. One group in the U.S. has nearly 300,000 members and last night, a Caribbean group got over 14,000 members and started trending. The premise is simple – post a photo of someone’s significant other and see if other people claim that they are in a relationship with that person too. There are tons of groups that have popped up across the U.S., many of them grouped based on the city. Needless to say, there are some consequences when you get involved in these types of groups and it’s not just the vast amount of time you will waste scrolling through, praying you don’t see someone you know, or even yourself. So here are 10 things to consider before jumping in. If you join, you may learn that

Your Man Is Gay

You love his neat ways, attention to detail, that smooth skin and those manicured nails. But when you post his pic in the group and the tricks and the dicks are on it, you are not prepared to accept the fact that he’s not just cheating, but he’s cheating on you with another man. Some women are prepared to handle another woman but they are not ready to imagine their man catfishing as a fish. So now, you realize your entire relationship was a fraud and instead of wondering what she’s got that you don’t your world is about to end because now everyone knows he’s bisexual or worse, just using you to hide his true gay truth.

Your Man is Being Set Up

Your Man is Being Set Up – Some people are cruel and vicious and hate to see a great relationship evolving. So they will go on your profile, steal a photo of your partner and post it in there simply to stir up trouble. They will allege he is in a relationship so that you can dump him and they can sashay in and swipe him up then laugh at you to your face for being the fool who took the bait. So please, make sure the allegation is a fact before you run off and tell that man off… or worse.

Your Man is All Our Man

Stop the faux shock. You know your man heaux ain’t loyal. He has more women than King Solomon had concubines, he makes no apologies and you have the ring but you are babysitting the child he had two years into your marriage. You have the house, the car, you’re holding out on sex because he can get it anywhere and you have been told he’s a dog but you are the one who will happily cook the steak and lay out the doggie bed and purchase the flea powder. You know he’s going to go in the group and when he walks through the door, you keep on scrolling and think about what he’s going to buy for you for Christmas. Chances are you're the one reading the credit card statement noticing the he's buying five of the same items from the same store. You're also the one buying the Christmas gifts for the extra kids. You all know about each other. You're a sister wife. Get out of the group and y'all work together to figure out how to properly rotate your poly lifestyle none of you will admit to.

Your Man is Going to Cut You Off

Y’all side heauxs ain’t loyal and loyalty has a price. If you are someone’s sidechick and you’re living a fairly okay life, you being in such a group and making public declarations after you swore your discretion is a sure way to go from sidechick to nothing at all. If that’s your life, that’s your life but when you agree to be a dirty little secret, you better listen to Xscape and that’s just how you should keep it… never let ‘em know, never let show. Y’all want those Olivia Pope and Mary Jane benefits without putting in the work. Get you some wine and popcorn and back up out of that group before you lose your benefits.

Your Man Has Been Bad All Along

Do you really need a group to let you know that your man is not going to be behaving anytime soon? His own mother told you that you can do better, his sister low key tries to hint to you to dump him and you know you can do better but you're in love with the idea of being in a 'relationship'. Stop scrolling and figure out if you really have the energy to deal with him. You know the only thing he can do for you is give you heartache, an STD and an excuse. Don't claim him in the groups. You'll get laughed at because he never claims you, not even on his social media pages.


To read the rest, click on this link: Buzzfeed: Sis Is This Your Man?




Outside of being addicted to drama, I don't know why else these groups exist. I get it - tired of being played, tired of sharing, etc. but other than gossip and embarrassment, what's the point? What are you hoping to accomplish? If you're in the group or if you created one of the groups, we'd like to hear from you.

SICK OF THIS SHIT

All the things going on in this world and I still see men debating on how women are wearing their hair. Really?!!! Get yo life please! There is only one man that  I care about liking my hair and that's my man. Anyone else can kick rocks. And men the majority of women feel the same way. I have read articles that say we wear weave because we do not love ourselves. 

Who in the fuck told you that bruh? WHO? I will agree that society has some women so screwed up that they think all this extra stuff makes or breaks them but this is not true for ALL women. Some of us like weave because every now and then we like to look different. That. Is. All. It's that simple. We get sick of dealing with our hair at times so we do something convenient. Sue us! You do not understand our struggle but yet have the most to say.  You keep screaming you do not like weave yet you lust over weavetastic models.

And let me tell you betrothed, married, or otherwise spoken for men talking about what you do or do not like about hair...Why you in this conversation SIS? Hunh? You have one job! That one head of hair on YOUR woman. Leave the rest of us alone. Your chats about what you like or do not like make no sense and we don't care. Keep it! Share it with your woman and she may not care either. 

We out here dealing with so much everyday that worrying about how you feel about our hair is not necessary. I had an older man tell me today that he is sick of this nappy look and can not wait until women start back relaxing their hair.

I wanted to reach over my desk and snatch his tail across it but I love having things like power and food so I sat back and gave him a lesson. First of all sir, do not say that to another woman because it is rude. B, its a relaxer and not a perm, and tres (that's 3 in Spanish BTW) my hair is beautiful and your opinion was not warranted. Now how may I help you today?

So, men, have we learned anything today? 

Keep Yo Hands To Yo Self, Part 1

Yeah. It's all grammatically incorrect and I know it. This is a blanket apology going forth. There will be expletives. Sorry Mom.

But this isn't about my lazy grammar, this is about an increase in domestic violence and why women have to repeatedly be beaten within inches of their lives and/or die and there's still no change.

This is about what seems to be the norm in the male/female dynamic in society.

This is about why men feel so inclined and like it's a constitutional right to raise their hands to women, to verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse women.

This is about why women seem to be indispensable.

This is about why we are constantly preaching to, judging, downing and disowning women who have been and maybe still are apart of a domestic violence situation.

This is about blaming the women for staying or leaving and returning.

This is about shaming the women who found themselves victim to an unstable creature one or thirty times.

This is about the people around said woman that asks her "what did you do?" "why do you make him angry?" "If only you would..."

This is about how society seeks to put the blame on everyone but the mf'er responsible for the violence.

Excuse me, O Perfect One that walks on water, but who the f**k are you? AND WHY ARE YOU NOT SHAMING, BLAMING AND RUNNING OFF THE MAN???

Listen ladies. There is nothing, short of trying to harm or kill a man, NOTHING that you could EVER do, to bring violence to yourselves. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ACTIONS. Period. Any man that raises his fist at a woman is a punk. Plain and simple. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him being coddled and babied and people covering for all his shortcomings.

That's just how he is.
Don't make him mad.
You shouldn't do that.
That will set him off.
He just needs to walk it off.

Nah Sis aka Apologists, he needs some f**king help!!

Sounds like he should've been getting help from our all but non-existent mental health system. Those things need to be addressed, will not just go away and need to be handled before turning that menace loose on society. Keeping him in that back room is not doing you or anyone else any favors.

HE NEEDS HELP!

If you've never been in it, you have NO IDEA how hard it is to get out. You can't imagine the emotional and psychological damage that stays around for years IF she survives it. And that's granted, there were no underlying and residual issues from her past already. Women are literally dying to leave their abusive partners. We have GOT to have a better support system in place for women that decide to leave their partners outside of nasty looks, disdain, and bundles of shame for "getting herself in that predicament" in the first place. Women who find themselves in these situations are NOT weak. But you know who is? Whoever is abusing her. We need to protect the abused and not the abuser.

Let me type that again so that the people in the back can see and hear it:

WE NEED TO PROTECT THE ABUSED AND NOT THE ABUSER!!
WE NEED TO PROTECT THE ABUSED AND NOT THE ABUSER!!
WE NEED TO PROTECT THE ABUSED AND NOT THE ABUSER!!
WE NEED TO PROTECT THE ABUSED AND NOT THE ABUSER!!
WE NEED TO PROTECT THE ABUSED AND NOT THE ABUSER!!

He's always sorry.
He absolutely will do it again.
You don't have to stick around to see if he means it.
He does not love you.
He does not value you.
He does not respect you.









In the middle of writing this, the Roy Moore and continuation of "Weinsteining" has emerged. So, y'all are really going to justify his behavior using Biblical references? And you're okay with this? And you can look in the mirror and sleep at night? That's really...uh Satanic. I don't know any other word to use for it. It's blasphemous. It's disheartening. It's sick, twisted and perverted. Anyone supporting Ray Gimme A Lil Moore amid these allegations and justifying them "as a sign of the times" or whatever nonsense that you want to brainwash the world with, needs to join him in whatever punishment comes from this. Even if it's just exposure. I don't know the statute of limitations on these allegations and whatever is going on and has been going on here in Alabama and in Hollywood but there need to be repercussions. It's been going on way too long and swept under the rug way too often.

And you wonder why people wait so long to tell. Because y'all are hell on a victim. His or her WHOLE life is brought into question but never the actions that may have resulted from the wrong done to him or her. He or she is called everything from a liar to a gold digging opportunist. He or she gets harassed via phone, text, social media and in person. They don't get the love and support that they should get. And if he was the breadwinner and/or you moved in with him, you're now either homeless or couch hopping. And if you have kids? Forget about it. It's not impossible but it's hard uprooting children from place to place, pillar to post, couch to car to couch...

*sigh*

We need to do better. So much better. Her leaving should be a celebration. She should have somewhere to go. She should have a warm bed. And counseling. And hugs. And support. The kids need it too. No matter what situation Mom or Dad find themselves in, the kids should be protected and safe. Kids shouldn't die trying to protect their parent from abuse. They shouldn't witness it. They see it and think that it's normal. They won't know any better until they see better. So they will emulate what they see and possibly begin their own cycle of abuse. And that could range from beating their significant other to drugs to escape the images in their heads and their own processing of what they are seeing.

We have protected abusers for far too long. I know of stories of prominent men in different cities that could beat their wives and girlfriends and the police, knowing them, would just take them for a ride for a little while to let them cool off. No charges. What happens when she stops calling the police? What happens when she just gives up? Every person deals with abuse differently. It may make some strong, it will make some numb, it will make some weak and some will go around just feeling dead inside. Feeling like it's their fault, abusing herself. Feeling like she's unsafe. All of this is valid and we should not project our feelings about how we feel about what happened onto the victim. Or Survivor.

When you recognize these tendencies in someone in your family, friends and/or close circle or you KNOW it to be true, be the voice for that person to get help. Be relentless. Don't give in, don't give up and don't give them a pass. You may just save a life.

We see the signs.

Domestic violence isn't just about being hit. You can be abused physically, verbally, mentally, and emotionally.

We don't have to just take it.

We have to break the cycle. 

We have to break the silence. 

We have to be the voice.

Abusers will not get better until they get help. 

Baby girl, your love is not enough.

Your love alone can't and won't save him.

Goals: Get Your Own

Goals: Get Your Own

So the news came out that Jill Scott is getting divorced after 15 months. 

*Disclaimer: I do not give a rat's ass about Jill's marriage and I am not judging because my marriage lasted a hot second so I have nothing sideways to say.*

Let us rewind to 15 months ago when hundreds of thousand women swooned and wanted what she had. Remember that? 

Jill's is not the only relationship I have seen coveted. Wiz and Amber...bad example...ummm wait..ok lets go with Will and Jada, Beyoncé and Jay, Gucci and Keisha, Bert and Ernie...etc. We want things & we have no idea what it takes to get them or keep them for that matter. So much time is spent to replicate something that we do not hold the blueprint to..

Those are not our lives. The majority of us are not multi millionaires and our men can not shower us with expensive gifts and take us on exotic trips several times a year. That's too much pressure to put on yourself anyway. Any time you try to be anything but you is stressful. Sometimes you want what someone has and the person that has IT does not even want IT.

Lets figure out what we really need for our lives and make those our goals. Lets tap into our dreams and focus on making them happen. You've attained your goals? Good now help someone else with theirs. Empower your neighbors, family, children, and friends. Reach one, teach one...yasssssss! 

I do not want Will and Jada's relationship but I would like to be connected to them for business purposes. I could care less about how they stay together because I am no Jada and I am not in a relationship with Will. I have to do what's best for me in my relationship and being like Jada may not work for my Mister. I love to see happy couples and I am an advocate of happiness. I just want people to be realistic and focus on what works for them  in life and in relationships. Watching someone else's life trying to duplicate it is the easiest way to fail. Sitting swooning over someone making their wife their WCW week after week...

Meanwhile he Facebook inbox diving acting single like he trying win an Olympic gold medal...

All I am trying to say is get your own goals girl!

Check out the story about Jill's divorce here: YBF